October 19, 2019
The windows are open to let in fresh air. We can hear the waves crash onto the shore. We have seen the big swells ride onto the beach, witnessed the explosion of white water descending on the sands. So we imagine what is happening as the distant roar of the ocean drifts through the house.
He is like the tide, with its ebb and flow. Just as the ocean draws me near and pulls at me with all the primal force of nature, Captain Paul is a planet that I orbit.
When he recedes, when the tide goes out, I have opportunity to explore and do what I love alone. Without that balance of solitude and social interaction, I’m not steady on my feet. Alone time is as important to me as being with others, maybe even more important. So when he needs his privacy, I can seek my solitude. Then I can reflect and define what is important to me. I am free to do what I will. I am free to go or stay, but I won’t go far, not so far that I can’t hear the waves or feel the magnetic tug of the ocean. When he is distant, he does it for my sake as well as his. What we are together should always be what we choose to be. When the tide goes out, it exposes what might have been covered over. It’s there for us to examine and discover, review and revise, reject or embrace, renew and revitalize. The waves wash in and out, creating change as it stabilizes, change and stability essential to the good health of ecosystems and relationships.
When the tide comes in, I cannot turn my back to it. I must be present and aware, not careless or uncaring. Again, it is all about choice. I can let myself be swept away, or go with the flow, or step back and watch from the shore. I can immerse myself and swim these waters, or sail or paddle or dive, so many levels to experience, depths and surfaces to navigate. So many ways to be with this man. So many ways to love him.
The tide is ever constant, just as it ever changes. And so no matter how our relationship may change, so must I be ever constant. He is always there for me. And so he draws me into his orbit. I will dance this planetary swing, eyes never losing connection, hearts always connected, lives blessed for being together, till the end of my days.
The cycle of the tides replenishes the planet. The sound of waves comes through the window as he walks in the door. I choose to live by the sea.